The Healing Hands of a Brother
by leslie.borle
Summary: Short Sebastian fanfic about the night of Hawke's sorrow.


He was there when Quentin drew his last breath. He saw Hawke's heart break and her spirit collapse into darkness as she held onto what was left of her mother, right up until her mother was gone. Then, when he looked into her eyes, he could no longer see the spark that always spelled adventure and joy. All he could see was the empty husk of the woman he loved. And it hurt as much as when he got the news that his whole family had been murdered.

He just couldn't leave her like that, and it seemed like when he thought of her, his feet led him directly to her estate. He wasn't sure of how much of a home it felt like right now.

Hawke always seemed to leave the door to her estate open for any and all who wanted to talk to her, but when he tried the door, it was locked. Bohdan, her manservant, opened the door just a little at the sound of him knocking.

"I need to see Hawke," he said, trying to keep the worry out of his voice.

"Is she expecting you?" Bohdan replied. He seemed a bit jumpy. It might have been the first time Bohdan had ever seen him out of his armor, too.

"No, she probably is not, but I need to see her. Now."

It seemed that the little dwarven manservant got the message because he opened the door just enough to squeeze through, one human at a time. Once inside, he could feel the weight of sadness sink upon his shoulders.

"Where is she?" he asked.

Bohdan simply pointed up the stairs. As he climbed up the steps, he could hear Sandal, Bohdan's boy, mumble about weeping skies clouding something. As he opened Hawke's door, he could hear her crying, but not loudly.

There, on her bed of soft silken sheets and downy pillows, lay the shaking form of Hawke. She only seemed to notice he was there when he closed the door behind him.

"Sebastian?" she asked, her voice cracking. She looked at him with eyes that screamed in pain, yet echoed with joys past.

"I'm here, Hawke. I'm here," he said as gently as he could.

He crossed the room and sat down on her bed when he saw yet more tears fall. It surprised him a little when she laid her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his torso.

"Where did I go wrong? Why her? Was it – Could I – Oh, why wasn't I there for her?" she slurred into his shoulder. He put his arm around her.

"Hawke, you couldn't have done anything more than you already did."

"But I should have BEEN there for her! It's my fault she's dead."

For some reason, hearing her say that snapped something in him.

"Don't you dare say that. Don't you EVER say that again. Do you understand me?"

He got a sniffle and a slow nod in response. He got up and poured her a glass of water from the carafe on her writing desk. He didn't know how long it had been since she had anything to drink, but he was sure it had too long. If he was being honest with himself, it was also a way to have a little time to collect himself. When he turned around, he found her slowly walking toward him. He hurried to get her to sit back down and handed her the glass of water.

Several moments of silence passed between them as he kept grabbing her water and watching her at least start to look like normal. He knew she was putting on a brave face, but he let her do it. He was rubbish at this sort of thing, but he couldn't very well just leave her there in her grief.

He got up so that he could sit at her desk when she finally looked like she was about to pass out from emotional exhaustion, but she grabbed his hand as he began to walk away. He looked down at her.

"Don't leave. Please. Not tonight. I – I need someone here. I can't be alone."

There. Some part of him felt relieved that she had finally admitted that she needed someone to lean on.

"I'm just going –"

"Please. Sebastian, please. I won't ask you to break your vows. I just need to be held."

His composure cracked and he sat back down. He kicked off his boots with his feet and laid back on her bed, stretching out an arm in invitation to her. She pulled up the sheets and snuggled in close to him. He could almost feel her tension roll away as he placed his arm around her.

"Whatever you need, Hawke, I'm here," he whispered as she fell asleep.


End file.
